Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
