Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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