Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
