Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
