I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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