She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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