Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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