Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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