this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
