i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
why is half of my head shaved?
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