been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize