This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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