I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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