Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
