Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
