I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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