Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
