just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
