yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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