I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
