Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
