I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
