Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
