his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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