I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
