We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
