She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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