I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
