you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
