I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize