Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
