Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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