So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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