that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im holly from the hills drunk
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
