Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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