I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
