Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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