He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Blood and glitter go together right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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