the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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