I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
