i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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