So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
