there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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