wat bout pragnant strippers??
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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