my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
