I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
