is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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