The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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