fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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