his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
