Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
