I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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