I bet he comes in French.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
