Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
