her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
