So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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