Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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