I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
