I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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