I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize