He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
