Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
