How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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