You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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