I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
