Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
