If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
