You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
