It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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