I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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