Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
