K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
