6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
