just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
