: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
