Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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