That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
