She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
