Jerry, you need to find god
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
